Our Experiences Hosting Two AFS Intercultural Program Exchange Students
by Sue Palmer
Boston, MA
December, 2000
In 1998 my husband Mark, our three cats, and I opened our house to our first exchange student. She was a 16-year-old Chilean who was with us from January through June. Several months after her departure, an 18-year-old French girl came to live with us for 11 months. We had full, rewarding experiences with both.
Have you ever thought of hosting a foreign exchange student? Are you hesitant because you have some unanswered questions? This article answers the questions most frequently asked about our experiences.
- Why did we choose to host?
Comments... Questions? Sue and Mark have generously offered to answer questions that are posted on the forum.
- Why did we wait so long to host?
- What was the process to become a host family?
- Did we have input into the selection of the student we hosted?
- How was the experience?
- Did we have any problems? Did it put a strain on our family?
- What did we like?
- What did we dislike?
- Did we learn any of our students' languages?
- Did we get paid?
- Would we do it again?
- What advice would I give prospective host parents?
- Where can I get more information on AFS?
- Disclaimer
I had a wonderfully inspiring French teacher in my small high school in Maine. She arranged summer exchanges for us through a teacher in France and, when I was 17 years old, I spent five weeks with a zany French family just outside Paris, an experience that changed my life.
Why did we wait so long to host?
Ever since my summer exchange in France, I had always wanted to host exchange students, but I was under the false assumption that I needed to have teenage children of my own. Also, I believed that I could not work and host at the same time. However, in the fall of 1997 a coworker, who works fulltime, and who does not have children, casually mentioned having had an exchange student live at his house. We immediately contacted AFS, an exchange program that is active in our area, and within 6 weeks our application was cleared and our first exchange student was arriving.
What was the process to become a host family?
We filled out an application with AFS that asked for information about ourselves and about our town and neighborhood. Then two AFS representatives interviewed me at our house, where they politely went over the information on our application and checked out where the student would be living. Following that, we had to contact the school and, since we didn't have children of our own, we were required to have an interview with the school principal. He wanted to know if we were ready to have a 16 year old, hormone-raging, partying teenager living with us. We hadn't thought of that. ;-) It turned out to be a moot point in any case because AFS enforces strict rules of conduct. (See Did we have any problems?)
Did we have input into the selection of the student we hosted?
We had complete say of the student we hosted. The AFS representative was very experienced in placing and hosting exchange students. She gave us short biographies of 10-12 students from various countries who still awaited placements, then she helped us choose a country and told us what to look for in a student that would match our lifestyle. We selected a 16-year-old girl from Chile. Both of our exchange experiences were huge successes and much of that I attribute to the AFS representative's gifted ability in matching students and host families.
Our Chilean exchange student came from a large family and, although I am sure she missed her active household at times, she thoroughly enjoyed being the “only child” at our house. She was helpful around the house and cheerfully went everywhere with me – to the grocery store, to the vet's, even to visit my 91-year-old grandmother. My biggest concern was that I wanted her to get out more with kids her own age. However, most of the time she preferred doing things with us.
After our Chilean left, we immediately hosted an 18-year-old girl from France for a whole school year. She was very studious, respectful, and polite. She fit in with several different groups of kids at school and went out with them often. She also had regular babysitting jobs. So, although she was more independent than our first student, the match was still excellent and we had no problems throughout the year.
We still maintain contact with both students. The French student returned to stay with us this spring while doing a four-month internship for her business degree. Then we visited her and her family in France in October. We hope to visit the Chilean when we can fit in a longer trip.
Did we have any problems? Did it put a strain on our family?
We had very few problems with either of our exchange students. AFS has three rules: no hitchhiking, no driving, and no use of illegal substances. If AFS students are caught breaking any rule, they are sent home. That fear was enough to keep both of our students walking a very straight line!
The biggest problem we had was that one of our students liked me more than my husband and she made that clear when the three of us were together. We finally had to address it with her.
My husband and I both liked sharing in the lives of the students and helping them learn about our culture and become more comfortable here. We liked having them around and we enjoyed having them share their new experiences and perspectives of our culture. We liked learning about their cultures and hearing when theirs differed from ours. Our Chilean student gave a very funny speech before the entire high school about the strange customs she encountered when she came here. She became instantly popular following the speech.
We also liked sharing the students' lives with our families. My nephews (8 and 5 years old) were fascinated by their accents and loved them both. My grandmother was proud when the students could finally understand her and she could understand them. My mother was happy to cook typically American meals for them.
I especially liked pushing the students in their language skills and seeing them progress. At the beginning of the year I purposely spoke slowly. Then I started throwing in slang terms that they would need to know for discussions among school friends. Then I started talking faster and faster. I felt great pride when people would comment on how well the students spoke English.
The two biggest things I disliked were the added responsibility of regularly grocery shopping and preparing meals and having less time to talk privately with my husband.
Did we learn any of our students' languages?
No, we did not learn much of the students' languages, although we would have enjoyed that. I had hoped to speak French with our second student, but once she arrived I realized that it would significantly limit her English language acquisition if she spoke French for a third of her time here.
No, AFS does not pay their host families. However, we did get a tax write-off of $50 per month.
Absolutely.
What advice would I give prospective host parents?
Hosting takes time. Be sure you are willing to make yourself available to talk to the student daily and to assist with homework from time-to-time. Expect to attend school plays, band concerts (was our high school band THAT bad?!), teacher open houses, etc.
Do not try to find a playmate for your child. It is very possible that your child and the exchange student won't become best friends. To avoid this problem, don't expect them to be. Choose a student whose age does not match your child's or, if they are close in age, encourage the exchange student and your children to do different activities. Your exchange student wants to feel unique and special to your family and so do your own children.
Find a student that matches your family's life style. You can tell from a biography if the student will study a lot or if s/he will want to be out with friends a lot. We chose students who would be serious about their studies because we had no desire to be constantly driving them around to the movies, to the mall, to their friends' houses, etc.
Do not treat the student like a guest in your house. Expect them to integrate into your family. Give them tasks and take them to family functions, no matter how bored you may think they will be. The student is here to experience your family life.
Make your expectations clear at the start and if problems arise, address them immediately. The students do not have the advantage of having lived with us for years and our family culture is new to them, too. If you insist that everyone be home by 6pm for dinner, tell them. Don't wait until they have disappointed you and then reprimand them.
Finally, don't entertain the student all the time. As much as students want to see and do everything while they are here, your student is coming for a cultural experience, not a vacation.
Where can I get more information on AFS?
You can get more information on AFS by visiting their web site at http://www.afs.org, or by calling their toll free number 1-800-call-afs.
Every host family's experience will be different. My husband and I are both in our mid-thirties and are casual people who enjoy sharing our lives with others. We treated our students more like younger sisters than like our children. Our only house rule was to show mutual respect to everyone and everything living here.
Sue Palmer, December 2000
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